About my time as an author

Writing a book is easily one of the hardest things I've ever done.

This is true for many reasons, all of which add up to an ongoing journey that has, to date, lasted roughly 5 years (almost all of my time married to Shelley), set me on a path to learn an amazing amount about a variety of subjects, and has provided me an outlet for who I am and what I know.

When I first started writing, I had walked away from a successful stint as a Clinical Psychology Master's student at Azusa Pacific University, and had dabbled in a 2nd Bachelor's degree at video game design. Both things interest me, but neither translated into a passion, a calling, a purpose, when I pursued them seriously years ago. From my Master's work, however, I learned about the struggles we all face, our motivations for why we do the things we do, and how our culture and family structures affect who are. And from video game design, I discovered the seed of an idea - an old war hero that stumbles upon the ultimate weapon, against impossible odds - that eventually became the basis for The Forever Saga.

It took all of 2006 to research, and a great effort to put aside my need to do everything right the first time, before I began writing the first novel of the saga, entitled Flash. I took a list of scenes, each on a separate piece of notepad paper, and wrote them in the order I saw fit, over the course of five months, 3 pages a day, 5 days a week. It was, at times, both easier and harder than I thought it would be, but by early May of '07, a rough draft of the entire manuscript was completed...I had written a book, something I had repeatedly thought in my younger years that I could never do.

But what was the purpose of it? What did I hope to accomplish with a book about a troubled war hero, larger-than-life enemies, and robot warriors? That kind of stuff isn't part of everyday life, unless it is presented in a way that enters, and shapes, mainstream popular culture. As a kid, I loved the idea that Transformers essentially gave me two toys in one - a robot and whatever it transformed into. Years later, the Transformers became a hugely successful film series. Say what you want about the storytelling merits of Michael Bay, but it took a very Japanese concept and turned it into the number one movie in America, three times over. Think about it: in Japan, they think of robots like Voltron and Robotech as defenders and heroes of mankind; in the United States, we tend to think of robots differently: they usually skew from helpers and comic relief like C3PO and R2D2, or they end up being something like the Terminator. I think violent robots are more prevalent in American culture - machine overlords taking over mankind is almost cliche.

From a purely fictional standpoint, I want to change that perception. I want robots to be seen as more than comic relief, a horrible enemy, an unfeeling golem, or specific to a certain culture. We can see the Transformers movies and marvel at the special effects, and that usually outweighs the times that we cringe inside at those movies' attempts at humor; we're entertained, but we aren't inspired.

That's what I want to change - to turn robots from mere spectacle into a vehicle for some of the most popular, successful fiction. If Tolkien could make dwarves, elves, and short people with huge hairy feet compelling, it's proof that we can be moved and inspired by even the most outlandish things.

Why else did I write a novel? The closest thing to an agenda I have for my books is to paint God in an honest, more positive light than pop culture often does. I watch Lady Gaga's music video for "Judas" and see an edgier, more in-your-face version of what Madonna had done before: mixing religious background with sexually-charged themes. I see all these horror movies about exorcisms, usually released right before or after the holidays, and wonder if it just builds distrust of real-life clergymen. I hear about independently-made Christian films that are encouraging to existing believers, but are made fun of by the majority.

What I want to do is to produce fiction that honors God without cramming it down someone's throat, or portraying faith in such a way that it only appeals to believers. That is why I don't want my books to be published by a Christian publisher - the books are meant for those who are skeptical and/or searching, the people who would never give a "religious" book a second glance. Besides, I think some of the content in my work is too "edgy" for someone like Zondervan to publish it, which I respect...it's just not a good fit for what I'm aiming for.

Between expanding the range of robots in fiction and making God a positive force in fiction, there are different parts of who I am that go into the books, and sometimes they aren't always in harmony with each other. As someone who's lived quite awhile as both a Christian and a nonchristian, I am appreciative of my faith, but also glad for the perspective I still have from before that faith existed.

All in all, the time between the completion of the rough draft of Flash and now has been marked with more writing, and more editing than I ever thought I could stand. It's tough to write something for the first time without constantly judging it; it's another challenge entirely to go back with the figurative knife and trim the fat, over and over again. It has been yet another obstacle to create something with my talents, all while overcoming my doubts and insecurities, and know how to best share this experience with Shelley.

Perhaps the toughest part of establishing myself as an author is this: to date, there has been little social, financial, or professional recognition of my five years of slaving away at this project. What has sustained me are the moments where I've been encouraged to continue: the "aha!" moments when a plot point falls into place just the way it was meant to, the times when Shelley has encouraged me to keep going, the times when our friend Carol - who brought an objective, positive focus to all those years of editing - would finish another read-through of the manuscript and declare it best-seller material. I have been grateful for all of those moments and more.

So what happens now? Well, a small focus group will receive a proof copy of Flash to give me specific feedback before I submit the book to publishers and agents. I'm still figuring out how to market and present the books to the aforementioned publishing industry peeps, perhaps finding an artist (and obtaining the means to pay him/her), and plotting out the remaining six novels in the series.

The most daunting task at this stage is simply sharing my progress with all of you, because honestly, there doesn't seem to be much progress when edits have gone on for so long, and I have already become no stranger to dozens of rejection letters from publishers. However, as difficult as it can be, I know that this is not a journey I want to walk through alone. I need to learn how to share what I've created with others, and to share it compellingly. The best thing I can do is to produce something superior, something that stands on its own merits, and will ultimately sell itself. It's not quite there yet, but it's coming. I'll need all the help I can get to get the word out when it's time to publish the book, either by myself or with a publishing company. A lot of work lies ahead.

It reminds me of a quote I recently read, which gives me much-needed perspective and hope for the future of my efforts: sometimes you have to climb a big mountain to see the beautiful view.






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