Why "Holier Than Thou!" doesn't work

I was reading the book of Matthew last night, where Jesus is criticizing the Pharisees for not practicing what they preach. Some of the harshest stuff Jesus says in the Bible is directed toward the Pharisees - the teachers and priests that said all the right things and looked so perfect on the outside, but were actually more wretched than the tax collectors and prostitutes they denounced.

Add that to what my wife Shelley shared with me the other day: Jesus took a hard stance against the Pharisees, but he did not take the same approach to the lowest of the low, the sick, the downtrodden. Jesus just showed up and was present with them, and their lives were transformed by it.

That got me thinking: when do I talk down critically at people, and when do I just accept them for who they are? Which approach works better? It didn't take much recollecting to realize that accepting people for who they are is the better choice.

And the harder one.

The problem with reading someone the riot act is that they're just a target for your verbal arrows - your behavior indicates to them that they're indeed a target and not an actual person worthy of respect.

There is a time for correction, but it needs to happen respectfully - AND it works best when you and the other person have accepted each other, warts and all. Nobody wants to take criticism from someone they don't know or understand...even if it's a parent or family member. Yes, you can live under the same roof, or sleep in the same bed, but that doesn't mean we really "know" the person we bark at.

No, I believe telling someone off counts as being "holier than thou." But can any of us really say we've never made the mistake that we berate others for? We really can't...and when we made that same mistake before, we probably wished someone was more respectful of us when we screwed up. Let's try to be respectful of others even when they fall short of our expectations, and if we were disrespected in our past mistakes, let's not continue the cycle, but break it...let's not look down at others in their failure, but sit down with them in the midst of it. After all, it's exactly what we'd hope for during the times in which we fail.

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